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Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
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| Time: | 1:44 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. | | Music: | dusty springfield - son of a preacher man. |
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stolen from people. you know.
Recommend to me:
1. A movie.
2. A book.
3. A musical artist, song, or album.
4. An LJ user not on my friends list.
I think I know what my problem is.
I know everyone on my friends list.
I know the majority of the people on my friends list.
Or I'm just g-a-y.
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I talked to matthew last night. I hardly ever do. I miss him so much.
He's a changed man. Weird. Little matthew? I didn't believe it either.
And he called me a whore. :(
I did it again today.
And its only 8:30.
I'm pathetic.
And I really need to stop.
This whole happiness thing doesn't really work when you're pretending.
I lied twice in the span of like a half an hour.
I'll never get around to saying anything.
I'm going to end up in a mental institution.
It might do me some good actually.
I need an "awakening".
The early November is my new favorite band.
I'm a loser, I know.
No need to inform me.
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Sunday, January 11th, 2004
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Friday, January 9th, 2004
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TO CLEAR SHIT UP:
The post about music, had nothing to do with erin liking whatever she likes.
Her post made me think of it only because when I hear about new bands, I don't just go buy their cd. I download a song or two and see if I like them.
To EVERYONE
Don't just assume shit.
Most of the time the fucked up things that come out of my head are so fucked up they don't even mean what you think.
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Thursday, January 8th, 2004
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'welcome aboard, mr pilgrim,' said the loudspeaker. 'any questions?'
billy licked his lips, thought a while, inquired at last: 'why me?'
'that is a very earthling question to ask, mr pilgrim. why you? why us for that matter? why anything? because this moment simply is. have you ever seen bugs trapped in amber?'
'yes.' billy, in fact, had a paperweight in his office which was a blob of polished amber with three lady bugs embedded in it.
'well. here we are, mr. pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. there is no why.'
I just randomly looked at my own profile and liked what I saw.
I thought I would post it.
as a reminder.
that vonnegut still rules.
Brilliance.
wow.
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I feel like shit. And I still don't like anyone.
And I hate weed.
And I hate coming home and having my house smell like it.
And I hate kissing Jesse and tasting it.
And I hate knowing that everyone around me is high.
We're all spending the night in Ptizzle tomorrow night so we can catch alli's flight tomorrow.
Did I mention I hate weed?
fuck.
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| Time: | 11:38 am. |
| Mood: | tired. |
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This is insane.
Alli's flight has been canceled three times.
From now until Sunday, everything is booked except one flight.
Saturday at 6:30 in the morning.
Boo.
Stupid ice.
But it is fun having her here.
I wasn't really sure about her moving here, how I would handle it. I don't live with people easy, but I don't think it would be that bad.
its cold in my house. and I have to work.
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Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
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I don't like when people try to find new music. Music that no one has heard of. When people try to be someone they're not through music.
Like the things you like because you like them, not because you want to be liked.
I'm in bitch moodnumberone today.
I don't really like anyone. and I don't think they like me.
whatever.
Um. end.
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| Time: | 12:01 am. |
| Mood: | lame. |
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I don't like how I never say what I feel.
And how I never say the things I wanna say.
And how all of this results in people just thinking I'm stupid.
I just don't like talking about myself personally.
I don't like it when the words come out of my own mouth.
I'll agree to it, if not go on about it, as long as someone else starts out.
blahblahblah.
And this is where my problem steps in and tells me to shut the fuck up.
what-e-ver
Alli and dan are doing the dirty in my living room as I type.
Jesse's asleep.
And I'm sitting at my computer.
Which is also a result of my stupid "problem".
I have to pee. But can't leave my room.
boo boo boo.
At least I get to work tomorrow.
And hang with the matt-inator.
Who is by far the best person in the world.
aw matt.
I just noticed I never posted about new years.
well, I'll sum it up for you.
It sucked. puking,yelling,crying,boo.
I didn't puke. Just everyone else.
boo.
I don't really have anything else to say, except like everything. But that's what started this post.
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Monday, December 29th, 2003
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hahaha.
I always just close pop ups and don't read them. But this time I decided too.
"Hi my name is Athena im Daddy's little girl.. Well I was until I got my FIRST DICK."
haha. oh man. goodtimes. made me lauuuugh.
this is where people start hating me.
I'm sitting here looking at the nordstom website and I just don't like fat models.
I'm glad people are starting to like, whatever they're doing.
But I think it looks bad.
And they don't choose like kind of chunky, maybe a little chub around the middle girls. They pick like unhealthy fat people.
I don't want to look at models and say, "Oh fuck. I can't buy that. I'll look like that."
Call me shallow, but its done for a reason.
Skinny models look good. That's why they do it.
Americans are fat and unhealthy. We shouldn't be embracing it and making that okay.
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Sunday, December 28th, 2003
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| Time: | 1:37 am. |
| Music: | tearsforfears-everybodywantstoruletheworld. |
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number one.
In the movies that I have watched tonight, I have learned that when you decide which sex you like don't try to switch. It doesn't work.
number two.
I am absolutely in love with jason lee.
in love.
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
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omg its christmas eve. I hate christmas.
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| Time: | 2:55 am. |
| Mood: | fat. | | Music: | it should be my current mood forever. |
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Dear Winmx.
I fucking love you.
I love you.
I Love You.
I LOVE YOU.
I'm drunk right now.
:)
I have to pee.
Alli isn't moving here anymore.
I kind of figured.
Jesse might. But only until he goes fire fighting. BUT fuckkk.
I don't fucking know.
What does FCUK mean again?
Something united kingdom?
I was trying to explain it to some people from work and no one understood.
Today was our xmas partay.
I like the people I work with.
I'm kind of confused right now...
OH I need to stop talking.
mmm. I should drink lightly more often.
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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
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( oh three baby. )
So I tried to download this song and I could have fucking sworn it was by Thrice. I also could have sworn it was called we are the dead. But the only song by thrice I found that had the word dead in it was absolutely the worst song I have ever heard and I tried to look up we are the dead and all I got was motorhead and david bowie. That's not what I want.
Help me.
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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
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dear get up kids.
we were -obviously- meant to be best friends.
xo.
ellen.
p.s. Check out the record "Arthur" by The Kinks. Especially the song "Victoria", I can't get that song out of my head.
[written by matt in the news section of their website. sure it was written in oct. BUT WHATEVER.]
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This is the kind of stuff my gramma sends me by email.
And weird jokes. usually having to do with religion or something slightly sexual. shes a weirdo. but you gotta love her.
http://www.riversongs.net/Flas/seasons.html
omgomgomgomgomg.
omg.
tguk.
march 30th.
aladdin theatre.
omgomgomg.
omg.
if you didn't catch that.
omg.
The bands that I can list off the top of my head that I NNEEEEDD to see live.
-jet.
-queens of the stone age.
-jew. I need to see jew at least once before I die. and they need to not open for weezer. or blink. headline themselves. mmm.
I had carl's jr for lunch today. and the sandwich kind of tasted like mold. and now my stomach really hurts. blag.
so. The other day at work we were eating clementines cuz our produce people brought us a huge box and Chris and Matt were going to have an eating contest to see who could eat the most of them and I go, "yeah and get diarrhea." and matt just goes, "I love diarrhea."
Hello to my favorite quote of all time.
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Monday, December 15th, 2003
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| Time: | 1:05 am. |
| Mood: | refreshed. |
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I think I am in the shittiest mood I have ever been in. Like straight up bitchy and pissed off. Like I am PMSing the worst PMS I have ever PMSed. Except I'm not. Unless my PMSing lasts a good two weeks. Which would suck. I hope it doesn't.
Actually its the dammnn birth control. Seriously, to anyone who isn't on it. Its the devil.
It has done two good things for me. And only two. My skin is way clear. And I'm not pregnant.
Other than that, I hate it.
Is it this bad for everyone else?
I admit this new stuff is better than Desagen. But the only difference is my body doesn't ache ALL the time, I don't get headaches, and my sight didn't get worse.
Other than that, all these fucking hormones running through my body, the extra pounds, my boobs being EVEN bigger, meHATINGeverythingever...I have to switch again.
I just have to "find the one that's right for me".
Bullshit.
The other stuff I was just straight depressed all the time. The new pill, I'm just pissed off all the time.
Which is better?
I've been wanting to say all that for a long time.
Alli is moving down here. I really hope its not bad. I don't think it will be. I think it will end up okay. But at first she won't know anyone. and she won't have a job. and she won't be going to school. So that will leave all of my time involving her really.
Unless her and Dan fall madly in love and he occupies her time. Which would be tiiiight.
And oh so precious.
Best friends dating best friends. come on, guys. Who doesn't want that?
Erin, why do you think I've been trying to hook you up with all of them?
PRECIOUS.
I hate Whitney. I really hate her.
We kind of got into it today. It ended with her calling me mom and telling me that she doesn't have time to "play my fucking games'.
Hi. Paying your bills on time is now a game.
Cleaning up after yourself. now a game.
not being a fucking bitch and actually respecting someone else other than yourself. now a game.
die.
I don't even want to talk about it. It makes me want to kill people. Seriously. I think about confronting her, and saying all the things I want to say to her. And it ends with me grabbing her by the hair and slamming her face into a wall/through a window/against a door/etc. EVERYFUCKINGTIME.
Is that bad?
I had a bad day at work. Bad. Started at ten. Had 197 giant originals to roll. 60 larges. 3 batches of pans. 48 to par-bake. 23 to make. No tomatoes. One large box. Plus everything else that comes along with a day. 200 dollar hours between two people in the afternoon. you know, the norm. Closer #1 called in sick. Covered that like a jimmy hat. everyone came in. working hard. 5:30 rolls around [I'm off at 5. right.] Closer #2 is in the bathroom throwing up. Fuck. Everyone who wasn't working couldn't work for various reasons. I call Dan, he says Aaron who has been there since 2 and not had a break closes and I stay until 7. As long as I am out of there by 7 and everyone else is cool, whatever. I get off the phone with Dan and take three complaint calls because people don't know there own name. Kristen, when do I get my break? should I take a break now? can I go on break yet? 7 rolls around, Jesse calls me because we are supposed to see Stuck on You at 7:30. I say fuck it. I leave at like 7:10. I didn't finish all the office work so I have to go in like 45 minutes early tomorrow so I can do that. Plus all my regular shit.
THEN. as I'm leaving Geoff says, "Can I talk to you?"
blahblahblah respect for having manager responsibilities. making decisions on a whim. wishywashy guy. Laid back. blahblahblah.
but hes serious when he says he needs a 30 minutes break to get some food.
FOR WORKING THREE HOURS.
Hi. You don't even get a break as is, let alone a half. FUCK that.
but...he doesn't really take change in well. and all the change that day with work really messed him up.
A big change from having to call in at 5 and just coming in at 5.
I think that is all I have to share about.
Last night Ryan and I fucking rocked the fuck out to Jet in his car. Full on singing at the tops of our lungs, air guitar, head groovin rocking out.
Filed under, One of the better memories.
I have one more thing to whine about. But this one makes me sofuckingmad that I don't even think I could get started. I have never once confronted this, and I don't think I ever will. I usually at least confront things in my head. Converse about them with myself. But this...I've never even done that. I don't think I could. I don't like it.
That was like a breath of fresh air.
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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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1) What's the first person you slept with's middle name?
which one? They have two.
2) What kind of underwear are you wearing? And what color?
white express thong. hott.
3) What song do you want played at your funeral?
I want kelly to sing "total eclipse of the heart".
4) What is the number of your sluttiest friend?
I don't know whitney's number off the top of my head. I'll get back to you.
5) What would your last meal be before being executed?
shrimp.
6) Beatles or Stones?
Beatles.
7) If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
someone who I think needs to just kill themselves anyway. end of story.
8) The person whose problems you wouldn't want to hear?
I stopped answering the phone when sean calls. you can only do so much when someone calls you three times a day.
9) What is the thing most important to you about the preferred sex?
iiiii don't know.
10) Do you secretly hate some of your friends, but are too nice to reject them?
most of them.
11) If you could have any superpower what would it be?
the ability to eat anything and lose weight.
12) Favorite hangover cure?
sleep.
13) How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
I can feel it after two-three shots.
or one shot of 151.
14) Favorite OutKast lyric?
"Lend me some sugar. I am your neighbor."
15) Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have?
I don't really care.
16) If you had to be blind or deaf?
blind
17) Do you have any psychiatric problems?
probably.
18) Siblings that should go to rehab?
Tyler. Definitely.
19) Least favorite month?
December. or July.
20) Favorite hateful thing to do to somebody?
kill them.
21) 1st movie you remember seeing as a kid?
The Little Mermaid. It was for my birthday.
22) Favorite person in the whole world?
Bam Margera.
23) When's the last time you went on a date?
Hah. I have no idea. Jesse and I went and saw Gothika with his mom's money. Does that count?
24) Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
I don't know. either.
25) Fall or spring?
Fall.
26) Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
James.
27) If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
Shakira.
28) Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?
In a coffin six feet under.
29) Who is the person you can count on the most?
Hank jr.
30) If you could date any celebrity, past or present, time and age are not a factor.
Mike Herrera 1996-1999.
31) What books have you pretended to read?
Almost all the required reading I have ever had to do. Except for Summer of my German Soldier freshman year and Slaughter-house five junior year.
32) What's a word you'd use to describe your life?
chaotic
33) What's your favorite drinking game?
Kings. Duh.
34) What did you dream about last night?
I don't remember.
35) What's the last thing you'd ever tell someone?
Of course you can borrow large sums of money from me.
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Friday, December 5th, 2003
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I don't really know what to say.
I don't really have anything to say.
I need to take a shower.
and eat something.
My gramma took me shopping last night.
It was wonderful.
She bought me stuff for my house.
yeah.
I got this done.
becareful. Its really up close and big.
I also think becareful should be one word.
I have to go shower now.
There are too many people in my house.
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Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
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| Time: | 12:35 pm. |
| Mood: | contentinanemptysortofway. | | Music: | fugazi. |
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Dan told me that comparing the stupid slut that was at my party to me would be like comparing an old E forty to tarantula. Leave it to good ol Dan to boost my self-esteem.
I'm back on the band wagon. Thanksgiving is not a good time to start. But we will see. I'll know I'm winning when I order the same amount of food as Erin.
I went and saw Love Actually last night. I seriously asked like 98234 million people to go with me. Actually like three BUT whatever. I ended up calling Pfeff like 15 minutes before it started and we went. I love Hugh Grant. Love.
I am addicted to Taco Bell. Addicted. Did you know a bean burrito only has like 8 grams of fat or something. Its not like surprising, but its cool. And if you order it without cheese, it tastes exactly the same and is even better. omg. Well it tastes the same for me, but that's cuz one bean burrito gets three packets of hot sauce. mmm. I need to stop talking about it right now. mmmm.
I have decided that Desagen is the devil and if anyone is put on it ever. they should not take it. CUZ IT SUCKS.
Maybe I'll get into that more later.
I hate Christmas.
Everyone who is expecting a present from me should comment and tell me what they want that I can buy at the best buy website. and it will be yourrrssss.
I'm really serious.
really.
do it.
I work now.
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downbyboxcar's journal
